| (no subject) |
[Oct. 24th, 2007|12:39 am] |
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i am fed up... with what... i don't even know i just know i can't handle it anymore. |
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| yes |
[Sep. 19th, 2007|02:10 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  flirty | ] |
Why do my crushes have to be difficult? they can't be simple? i have a great night, we have alot of the same interests and values. But, he just isn't sure where he stands, he is new. I am willing to talk and help, but i really want more. I end up liking people at wierd times. But i am a good friend so i will help out as much as possible! |
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| Excuses. |
[Aug. 5th, 2007|02:53 pm] |
My mother has now gone to far with her excuses. She blames the fact that her house is a mess on the ever bitch mother, Kass. Sure she had an effect, but she has been out of the house for over a year, and she effected me more then her and i have been able to get over the fact that it happened and moved on. My mother doesn't realize it has been since Kyle left (her top child) her house has been a mess because she no longer has to impress anyone. Honestly when my friends have to clean out my room so i have a place to sleep when i get home doesn't make me feel so good, and when kyle comes home he gets his room completely cleaned with new furniture and i am forced to clean the rest of the house... It doesn't seem right. This is making me feel so greatly loved. Even more so I think i have discovered which child is loved more in the family, and my mother always said she liked me more... Well i guess that has changed and will prob stay that way when i finally get around to telling her i am not "normal" in her eyes and that i am a homosexual. I mean what will that do, except let me be me and then that way i no longer have to lie to her, although according to some friends she allready has an idea, if what i have heard is true. Well this short rant got longer then expected. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 10th, 2007|12:38 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  lonely | ] |
i want to cuddle. |
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| ugh |
[Jul. 8th, 2007|02:10 pm] |
I hate having promises to keep and having pressures keeping me away from those promises. I am thinking fuck changing schools for september. I need to take some english courses to improve my abilities before being able to succeed. and if i do that i can manage my time so i can take off to van for a weekend and just relax in the first week or two of school. Either by hoping onto a bus or going with Lewis because i am sure he would be going, but of course he has a little more money then i do, even with my parents backing me up. I need more time to make a decision and not a week and a half. I hate my mother on occasion. Well on more then one occasion. I have alot to do this week and trying to pick a school wasn't on that list till now. Well i guess it is that time again. |
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| blah |
[Jul. 7th, 2007|09:17 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Kitimat *pouts* | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | None because people are watching tv | ] |
I finally remember why i didn't want to come home. I can't stand my parents, well my mother. i have trouble being myself and i never get out. Ontop of all that i have no one to talk to, well i do but they have trouble comprehending. Kitimat is getting boring two weeks was enogh. Rant rant, Rave rave. I am now getting a little tired of being single , meaningless anything doesn't really agree with me, i get attatched too easily. i would rather be with someone then alone and thinking. I want out of kamloops too, the town is ok, the people are outstanding, but i would rather be in van. i enjo the territory that much more. |
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| Stupid Kitimat |
[Jun. 25th, 2007|07:25 pm] |
So i quit a job to come home and work. Then i find out hey, they have the same reasoning as the rest of the fuckers that turned me down for work. So instead of coming home to work. I am coming home to unemployment. Thanks mom and Dad. Not only are you Fucking up my summer, but my next years education! |
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| when i should be studying |
[Apr. 25th, 2007|12:08 am] |
to the words of disrepair
i commend you
the ability to worsen
and the ability to amplify
the feeling of want
the feeling of hate
the feeling of joy
the feeling of pain
i have felt all in one night
through memories
through hope
through reality
i hope they will go away
i am sure they will
once the stress is relieved
and ideas consumed
but although i am getting rid of some
others are filling the space
i am left with ideas and thoughts
yet all of them are pointing to the same outcome
the outcome is one i want
but one i hvae a feeling i will never got
although it may be wanted
it seems unatainable
although unatainable i will still try
it is worth fighting for in my head
so fight i shall
i have some time to make it work
some discussions to be had
some plans to be made
to make this unatainable goal
become an atainable reality. |
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| Motivation |
[Mar. 12th, 2007|07:21 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | tired of school | ] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | home | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  something along the lines of.. | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Marcy Playground Punk Rock Superstar | ] |
I have all this homework to do, but all i seem to want to do it is sit and listen to music. I am not motivated in the slightest to get my english essay done, my chem lab, my bio assignment, or even my computer assignment. It just seems pointless, all of these classes seems pointless. I don't want to take them so i am not going to them and i really don't feel like doing the work that is involved. I have failed a lab exam, prob going to fail this essay, and a quiz tomorrow. Yet, it doesn't seem that important to me. What is my motivation? who am i trying to impress? why do i want to impress them? i can't wait a month to get out of classes for a while... and just work! |
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| how long has it been? |
[Mar. 10th, 2007|11:30 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | the apt. | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  stressed | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | none but wanting to listen to some poison | ] |
i guess i should start using this again as it seems i have stopped... ugh.. i hate being sick and over worked... but tht should stop soon because my ear infection seems to be getting better. Or at least less pain when i swallow, my training is done as of wednesday which then makes it so i can't work over 25 hours a week... although that meens i will most likely take on a second job over the summer to be able to pay my tuition for next year. I am willing to do it because i don't really want to go back home. I don't enjoy being there, the only reason i go back is to see a few people. And right now i am not really motivated to go see them. Even though i am busy and it seems i can't do anything right now, i enjoy it because it actually allows me to get things done, the less time i feel i have to do something the more attention i pay towards it. The joys of being a procrastonator. and as for next year i really don't know what i want to do i have a feeling i will keep in school but just take courses in every field i am thinking of partaking in. just to get an idea of what i want to do with my life.. even though i am still tempted to go for massage therapy because it is something i like to do, but i don't think i could make a living out of it because i can only do it for so long before getting bored.. or unless it is someone i really want to do it for. and working 32 hours in a week and being the only on willing to clean the apt. isn't helping my stress levels or getting my homework done. i am going to have to sit down on monday and just get it done. I have alot of visitors and plans for the next month so i am excited i just hope that work and life don't get in the way of me enjoying the last couple months of parental support before i let them down and tell them i am becoming a proffesional student for a couple more years then expected. well that was my rant i needed to get it out and figured i may as well stop boring the people that actually check it... i am going to make food or pass out i haven't decided which one is more benificial at this point. NIGHTY NIGHT! |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 30th, 2006|12:38 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | kitimat | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  loved | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | love roller coaster | ] |
best sundae of my life!!!! |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 28th, 2006|12:59 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | kitimat | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | loved | ] |
addicted |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 18th, 2006|12:53 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | ..... | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | contemplative | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | N/A | ] |
i just feel funny... could be the head hurting... the caffine... the sugar... who knows... but something just doesn't feel right.... and yet another night i most likely wont sleep and sleep in..... oh and i realized another reason my bus trip wasn't so hot... when i was trying to sleep i would have dream... one i had before but didn't make sense... but when on a bus in the snow with other cars in the ditch it is kinda creepy... i dreamed that erin was driving and i was in the passenger seat back up at the viewpoint where i rolled my car and we did the same thing... and then i woke up... which reminded me of when i rolled my car and just wow.... i did not want to sleep after that... i no longer have a place to run away to to be able to think since i left kitimat... going to have to find a new one preatty soon i think... who knows... blah blah blah... rant rant rant... out of things to think to myself |
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| SANTA |
[Nov. 17th, 2006|02:16 am] |
 Dear Santa...
Dear Santa,
This year I've been busy!
In January I stole ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) manamaraya's purse (-30 points). In August I helped manamaraya across the street (6 points). In April I donated bone marrow to manamaraya in a life-saving procedure (300 points). In October I farted in an elevator (-6 points). Last month I bought porn for manamaraya (-10 points).
Overall, I've been nice (260 points). For Christmas I deserve a new bike!
Sincerely,
bbadd |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 11th, 2006|02:31 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | kyle's condo | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  mellow | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | The toasters record | ] |
i think i needed this weekend just to get my mind back in shape.... i will hopefully get sometime tomorrow to read what i need to otherwise there are going to be some people hating me on that bus on sunday/monday... but my legs, feet and head hurt... BUT it was totally worth the free beer free concert and a hell of a good time!!!!! i am now realizing i have had about 1 hour sleep maybe in the past two and a half days so i am going to sleep... might talk to you all soon. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 6th, 2006|10:41 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | where do you think? | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  tired | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | sugar, we're going down-fallout boy | ] |
have you ever had that feelling of can't sleep clown will eat me... but there is no clown that will eat you... ugh.... my brain doesn't want me to sleep... and it is bugging me.... but i like sleep... my brain likes sleep... but no sleep for me... *shrugs* oh well. i will survive |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 1st, 2006|11:08 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | home | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  annoyed | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | N/A | ] |
thanks for the blame, ideas for the future i allready had, and more frustration than i need. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 31st, 2006|12:07 am] |
| Your Five Factor Personality Profile | 
Extroversion:
You have high extroversion.
You are outgoing and engaging, with both strangers and friends.
You truly enjoy being with people and bring energy into any situation.
Enthusiastic and fun, you're the first to say "let's go!"
Conscientiousness:
You have medium conscientiousness.
You're generally good at balancing work and play.
When you need to buckle down, you can usually get tasks done.
But you've been known to goof off when you know you can get away with it.
Agreeableness:
You have medium agreeableness.
You're generally a friendly and trusting person.
But you also have a healthy dose of cynicism.
You get along well with others, as long as they play fair.
Neuroticism:
You have low neuroticism.
You are very emotionally stable and mentally together.
Only the greatest setbacks upset you, and you bounce back quickly.
Overall, you are typically calm and relaxed - making others feel secure.
Openness to experience:
Your openness to new experiences is high.
In life, you tend to be an early adopter of all new things and ideas.
You'll try almost anything interesting, and you're constantly pushing your own limits.
A great connoisseir of art and beauty, you can find the positive side of almost anything. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 28th, 2006|09:18 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | on the couch | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | disappointed | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | random mix of artists | ] |
so i think i have officially been stood up... wow.. ugh... bastard said he was going to phone... oh well.. nothing i can really do because i know he isn't home and that is the number i have.. oh well i can now sit back and enjoy my wierd liqour that i bought... instead of drinking it at a party with people i don't know... i don't like drinking at parties... ahh... oh well... i want wine gums.... |
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gloomy